


"Keith Goes on a Trip"

by Queenscene2



Series: It's Always Sunny on Planet Arus (Dotu Crack Fics) [5]
Category: Voltron: Lion Force (1984)
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Crack, Equals, Gen, Hallucinating, Insanity, Lack of Sleep, PCP, like pure crack cocaine, one sided kallura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25743853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenscene2/pseuds/Queenscene2
Summary: Keith starts feeling weird after he drinks his morning triple shot espresso.A crack fic
Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron)
Series: It's Always Sunny on Planet Arus (Dotu Crack Fics) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1825153
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	"Keith Goes on a Trip"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [80sGayTrashGoblin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/80sGayTrashGoblin/gifts).



> ***This is a crack fic. Do not take anything seriously***
> 
> Based on the prompt:
> 
> Lance: How long can you go without sleep before you hallucinate?
> 
> Keith: Three days.
> 
> Lance: ...
> 
> Keith: There's a clown behind you.

Another night, another loss of sleep for the poor Commander as he laid awake in his chamber, staring up at the ceiling. He turned his head toward his alarm clock. _4:47 AM. I’m supposed to be awake in 10 minutes._ He thought grumpily to himself. This is not what he meant when he said that he was a morning person.

Keith groaned in exasperation and in exhaustion as he swung his feet over the side of his bed. He put on his slippers and walked toward his mirror. The bags under his eyes could make Gucci jealous. He rubbed his bloodshot eyes and started to zone out in the mirror.

Keith’s sleeping patterns have always been inconsistent due to his chronic anxiety, but lately, he’s been extra stressed for particularly no reason. Maybe it’s because he and his crew are due for an evaluation from the Garrison in a few days, or maybe it’s because he’s stressed out about Allura and how she keeps calling him nicknames like “Keithie.” What did that mean? What does any of it mean?

Keith sighed out loud and dragged his feet to the kitchen. He had forgotten to comb out his hair. Oh well. He was too tired to go back anyway.

He yawned another big yawn as he pulled out his official Galaxy Garrison mug and flipped on the coffee maker. He poured in a triple shot of espresso instead of his usual morning double. “I need more energy than this.” He said out loud to himself. He looked in the fridge for some Monster, Red Bull, or Rockstar energy drink.

Unbeknownst to him, a certain Gremlin just happened to pass by from trampling around outside and heard his request for more energy. He wanted to help out his commander as much as best as he could, as Keith as done so much to help him.

Luckily, Pidge still had an extra bag of Angel Dust in his back pocket. Surely this would help Keith wake up, right?

While Keith was occupied, Pidge, in complete and eerily silence, snuck under the kitchen island, where Keith’s Garrison mug was lying there, vulnerable to the elements, and poured the PCP in his Commander’s mug.

Without trying to get detected, Pidge somersaulted out of the kitchen and ran up the hallway. Keith turned around a few seconds after Pidge left and put the Monster Drink on the counter next to his mug. He wasn’t gonna pour it in…yet. Maybe he would be more desperate for energy later.

~

Keith took the coffee mug and took a humongous gulp of it. The warmth of the coffee felt good as it went down his throat. He really loved coffee. Keith turned off the kitchen light and schlepped back toward his room.

As he approached his door, however, he noticed that he was suddenly out of breath. He took a minute to catch it. He was sweating bullets. He started to get nervous. _What the hell is going on?!_ He thought. He tried to press the button to open his hydraulic door, but his hand suddenly felt weak. _I must be more tired than I thought!_ He said.

“Uhhh…Keith?” He heard someone say. He turned around to see…Lance? At least he thought it was Lance. He wasn’t sure how he obtained cat ears though. “Lance! Oh…what are you doing up this early?” He asked, feeling very woozy. “…Uh it’s 9 AM.” Apparently, Keith had been in the kitchen or in front of his door (he can’t really tell) for about 4 hours. Lance cocked his head. “Are you…okay?” Keith saw his pointy nose transform into a round one, matching his cat ears. Were those whiskers?

“A furry!” Keith slurred out super loudly. He pointed to Lance’s face. Lance looked behind him and saw nothing. Lance took a step closer and held him up, as Keith was starting to lose his footing. “Bro, are you…okay?” He shook him a little. He seemed to be staring at the ceiling.

“Big boobs?” He said…or that’s what Lance probably thought that he said. It was hard to understand him as he was slurring his words. “Oh, you wanna take off your shirt, girl? That’s hot!” Keith added. “Damn it…” Lance said. He threw his best friend over his shoulder firefighter style and opened his door.

Keith was laughing like a complete psycho while he did it and started to sing the Lion King, terribly off-key:

_“His. carefree days…with us are history_

_In short, our pal is doooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomed.”_

_I’ll say._ Lance thought to himself as he practically tossed Keith onto his bed. Keith started to laugh maniacally at nothing. Lance frowned. “Keith? Stay with me, buddy, come on!” Keith looked at him mouth agape and with blank eyes.

“Hey Lance?” He said. Lance sighed. “What?” Keith smiled widely, his eyes still blank. “I can see the stars…from America.” Lance nodded. “That’s nice. Listen, uhhh…I think it’s no secret that you haven’t been sleeping lately…” Keith didn’t answer. Instead, he blinked one eye at a time.

Lance was now orange, pink, and red. He wasn’t a cat anymore, but he suddenly had a hippo for a hand. “Hi, Mr. Hippo.” Keith muttered, giggling. Lance continued. “So…How long can you go without sleep before you hallucinate?” He was expecting an illogical or incoherent answer. Instead, he was taken by surprise.

“Three days.” Keith said out front. Lance raised his eyebrows. _Holy shit, Keith._ He thought. Keith pointed to behind him. “There’s a clown behind you.” Lance made a face. “Lovely.”

Something suddenly caught Lance’s attention. He leaned in closer to take a good look at Keith’s eyes. Keith’s pupils were beyond dilated, to the point that they were almost taking up his entire iris. His hair was sticking to the back of his neck, indicating that he had been sweating profusely. Lance started to panic slightly. This was not just a case of sleep deprivation.

~

Keith, on the other hand, was floating through space on the back of a dolphin-zebra hybrid. “Keith.” The dolphin-zebra said. “Yes?” he asked him right back. “You are the guardian of the Diamond Galaxy.” The dolphin-zebra took him to an aerial view of the Diamond Galaxy.

“You have all the powers in the universe. Go use your powers for good!” Bohemian Rhapsody was playing loudly in the background as the dolphin-zebra, who Keith then proceeded to name Laeka, lowered him to the ground.

Keith looked down at his feet, which were rainbow colored, by the way, and saw that he had super speedy shoes on. “Hahahahhahahhhahhaa!” He laughed like a madman. “Lance! Look at me!” he said, unbeknownst that Lance had carried him to the infirmary, and that he was lying on the exam table, kicking his legs vertically and violently up and down.

“What’s wrong with him?” he asked Dr. Gorma. “I have an inkling…” Doctor Gorma said seriously. He gave Lance a stern look. “Listen, boy. I don’t know what you did to your Commanding officer, but I think he’s on some sort of drug trip.”

Lance glared back. “What, are you trying to accuse me of possession? You know, I may be a badass and a rebel, but it doesn’t mean I automatically _did_ it!” Doctor Gorma backed down. “Sorry, I just…I’ve never seen him like this before.”

There was a knock at the door. “Enter!” the doctor yelled. Allura rushed in quickly with Hunk and Pidge at her heels. She gasped upon seeing his pale face and his incoherent mumblings. “Keithie! Oh my god!” she cried.

She ran over to his bedside. “Keith? Keith! It’s me! Allura!” Keith blinked twice. “A…Allura?” he whispered. Allura gave him a smile. Keith smiled wider, but not the good kind. “I love your eyes. They’re beautiful.” Allura blushed. “R-Really?”

“Yes…all six of them.” He replied back confidently. Allura frowned. “Dammit, Keith!” she cried, disappointed that her crush didn’t really mean what he said. “What’s wrong with him?” Hunk asked Dr. Gorma.

“It seems as if the Commander is on some type of hallucinogen. I’m running a blood test right now to see what kind of drug it is, but he has a pretty moderate dosage of it in his system.” Pidge’s eyes suddenly grew wide. He whistled nonchalantly.

“Well, whatever it is, I hope he feels better soon.” Hunk said. Keith at this point, seemed to settle down, and looked as if he was sleeping. “We’ll let him sleep.” Allura said. She kissed his hand. The three left the room except for Lance and the doctor.

~

After a while, Keith opened his eyes and looked around. He rubbed them violently. “What…what’s going on…Lance?” Lance smiled at him, a feeling of relief passing over him. “Buddy! Welcome back!” Keith squinted. “Wha…? Where did I go…and why am I in the infirmary?”

Lance smirked. “Let’s just say…you went on a little trip.” Keith wasn’t sure what he meant by that. His memory was foggy. “Ah, test results are back.” Doctor Gorma said. He looked at the piece of paper that the machine spat out. “Looks like the Commander was drugged with a fairly high dosage of Phencyclidine, or…PCP.”

Lance squinted. _Dammit, Pidge…_ he thought he saw Pidge selling bags of narcotics the other day. He turned toward his best friend, who had sat up on the table. He was still a little out of it, but other than that, he had returned.

“Well, I’m glad that’s over, but you really should get some more sleep, dude.” Lance admonished. He raised a hand up for a high five. “But at least this would make a great story to tell our grandkids, right buddy?”

Keith responded to his best friend by projectile vomiting all over him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed more actual garbage!
> 
> ...poor Keith.
> 
> Love,
> 
> Queenscene2


End file.
